Cowbells (keeping the country safe)

Posted on June 29th, 2014

Cow with murder in its eyes


The Cowbell.

As you are no doubt aware, the cowbell was originally intended to distract cows from their plans to destroy mankind (through staring). It gave them access to primitive musical instrumentation which, along with their natural rhythm, led to a smattering of bovine based bands including The Farm and Cud. They also secretly infiltrated mainstream groups (Dave Balfe? Morrissey?) and changed the face of British television with that old butter advert where some bastard forced them to dance.

The cowbell had proved its worth, and like everything else that cows hold dear, it was soon robbed and used for pleasure.

Popular tunes featuring the cowbell include:


  • Drive my car – The Beatles
  • Daft Punk is playing at my house – LCD Soundsystem
  • Welcome to the Jungle – Guns and Roses
  • Holiday – Madonna
  • Good Morning – Kanye West


…and a forthcoming song by Leno Goldstein, currently going by the working title of Ford Anglia (blue). Adam is so excited he’s taken his top off (again). Woah boy!

Damon Albarn and The Heavy Seas – Bristol Trinity

Posted on June 4th, 2014

Damon Albarn and The Heavy Seas - Bristol Trinity


Damon Albarn and The Heavy Seas - Bristol Trinity (more…)


Posted on June 4th, 2014

Having a small party at the weekend, and I’ve found this fine piece of advice in the Top Tips section of an old copy of Viz :

Next time you have a party make all your guests swallow a small plastic disc with a number on it, making sure to keep a record. If anyone vomits, you’ll know who it was.

Innes Reid,


And if that isn’t enough, how about this :

Stop your canary from flying around its cage by placing bulldog clips on each of its wings

M. Faraday


6 songs for the cricket!

Posted on May 19th, 2014

I had the pleasure of laying my eyes on a 20 over game of cricket yesterday, as a bunch of lofty Sri Lankans absolutely hammered local elite sportsmen “Sussex”. As ball after ball was smashed out of the ground and into the greenhouses of unsuspecting Monty Dons, we were treated to 10 second blasts of popular hits from across the decades. Many were entirely unsuitable for the task.

Hmmm…maybe I could…

1) Stuck in the middle with you – Steelers Wheel
2) Hit me with your rhythm stick – Ian Dury and the Blockheads
3) Catch – The Cure
4) Hit it and quit it – Funkadelic
5) Breaking glass – David Bowie
6) Run Run Run – The Velvet Underground

Dreadful effort.

Brighton festival – The Great Escape

Posted on May 14th, 2014

It’s that time of year again, when Brighton is flooded with some of the newest and most exciting bands around. 40 venues, over 300 bands, and thousands of gig-hungry berks descending on the south coast. The sea air, the faint smell of salt and bird shit combine in a heady mix that can send even the most conservative of music fans completely off his mash. A utopia of sound, indeed. How did we exist without it?

My weekend?

Venues visited : 0

Bands seen: 0

Another slice of life gleefully swatted away. Like Boycott, I can bat all day…


Will – Back from the future

Posted on May 10th, 2014

Thursday afternoon, the top deck of No1 bus.
A glance to my left.
He looks familiar, like someone I know, but older…