Goldstein & Goldstein

Posted on March 17th, 2015

Very few people know about my success in PR with Goldstein & Goldstein Advertising and Public Relations back in the 80s. I was singlehandedly responsible for rebranding drum solos as ‘breaks’, instantly turning the least cool thing in music into the hippest thing to pretend to be obsessed with.

Unfortunately I had to wind the company down after the Coco Pops/Choco Krispies debacle. Shame.

I only mention it because my efforts to promote my new single ‘Smash It’ isn’t going well, as most papers won’t carry the advert. It’s just me asking various celebrities past and present, including Stalin, Pol Pot, Himmler, Dr. Crippen and Jamie Redknapp ‘Do you smash it?!’

Jim Bowen

Posted on March 17th, 2015

Had a lovely Saturday with just a Roland 808 and a Mike Yarwood box set for company. Got me thinking of some of the crazy parties I used to attend back in the day. I remember wangling an invite to Jim Bowen’s bash back in 89.At one point the great man comes up to me and drags me into a sideroom saying ‘I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake; now it’s time to erase that mistake.’ ‘Jim,’ I said, you’re confusing me with Robocop.’ ‘So I am, lad’ he said and sent me on my way. He was always doing that.

The death of Beady Eye

Posted on November 3rd, 2014

Hope everyone’s ok with the Beady Eye split. Tough times all round. Is there a helpline like when Take That broke up? Probably not.

Rock historians and trivia fans will note that former Beady Eye singer Liam Gallagher was once in a band named Oasis with his brother Noel.

I was in the Brit Awards Presenter B Team with John McVie and Linda Lusardi back in 1996 when Noel announced to Michael Hutchence of INXS that ‘Has-beens shouldn’t give awards to gonna-bes’…

‘Noel,’ I said with uncanny prescience for the time ‘this is 1996, the only thing Oasis are ‘gonna be’ is a crushing disappointment.’

Smash it! – part 3

Posted on August 30th, 2014

Well, our attempt to write an unashamed pop hit named Smash It! seems to have gone a little too far and taken a slightly trashy turn. I know I wanted commercial but right now it’s just the synth’s ‘Rave’ demo and me going:

Sexy boy!
Sexy girl!
Disco time!
Sexy! Sexy!

I suppose it worked for Basshunter but I’m not so sure. Adam Newman thinks it’s the greatest song ever written.


Posted on August 30th, 2014

Asked Will Roberts if he’d help me set Whitesnake’s ‘Slide It In‘ as my ringtone as I thought it was a tune that represented me well. After about twenty minutes he managed to explain what it was actually about, and I still had to Google some of the terms he used. Disgusting. 

I’ve decided to play it safe and settle on Parliament’s ‘If It Don’t Fit Don’t Force It’ instead.

Smash It! – part 2

Posted on August 30th, 2014

Work on our forthcoming single ‘Smash It!’ isn’t going quite to plan. It’s supposed to be an unashamed grab for chart glory but at the minute it’s a sweeping epic concerning a forbidden tryst between two Latvian peasant farmers during the 1940 Soviet incursion.

There’s a slight disco bit during the fourth movement but even that’s an instrumental based on the motion of a butterfly that’s meant to question the inevitability of twentieth century history after the October Revolution. I think its small pop value is counteracted by the mournful cello solo around the 32 minute mark. Still, it’s a start. (more…)